Sorry, I Suck at Titles
by that-pretentious-bitch
Summary: At a sleepover meant to help them bond, everyone finds out plently of suprising things about Kurt which leads to a relatonship between him and Puck. Slightly morbid/disturbing topics like cutting and suicide. All the guys r gay/ bi. Lots of angst.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Hey, everyone else is down in the basement. The first door on your left," Kurt instructed Mike and Matt as they entered his house. "No Matt, your other left… there you go." He was already slightly regretting letting Rachel talk him into letting the 'sleepover' (also her idea) be hosted at his house. Sure it was logical, since both him and Finn lived there and everyone knew where it was. But what if his dad and Carol got back from their honeymoon a little early? Kurt was sure that neither of them would appreciate coming home to drunken teenagers passed out on the floor, and knowing Puck that was exactly how this thing would end. Speaking of the mohawked menace to society, where was he? Everyone else was at least within 20 minutes of being on time.

After 10 more minutes of standing at the door, feeling like a doof, Kurt caved and joined the rest of the gleeks in the basement. "Puck's still not here. Maybe we got lucky and he forgot?" Quinn, Mercedes, and Tina all laughed at the hopeful tone in his voice.

"I forget stuff sometimes." Brittany said. "One time I forgot to feed my fish, so they ran away." everyone stared at the blonde girl who was looking regretful.

"You know what we could do?" Quinn asked, an evil smile creeping across her face.

"Shit," Finn said. "I know that look."

"Kurt, I'm assuming you were serious when you mentioned your tiara collection?"

"Quinn, honey, assuming makes an ass of you and me, and yes I was completely serious. Why?"

"Would you happen to have a feather scarf thing?"

"You mean a feather boa? I have a few, I kept all my old dress up clothes. Again, why?"

"Go grab a boa and a tiara!"

Kurt knew better than to argue with Quinn when she had that look and refused to answer questions. He went and got a bright blue feather boa and a plastic tiara covered in rhinestones. He deposited them in front of the evilly grinning girl and sat back down. Quinn scribbled a note on a piece of paper and handed it to Kurt along with the tiara and scarf. "attach the note to the front door and leave the other stuff on the porch. This is gonna be great!"

"Since you decided to show up when you felt like it, instead of on time like a normal human-being, you have the honor of wearing these for the whole night. You can thank me later. Quinn" Kurt read aloud. "You realize he's gonna think it was my idea and murder me, right?"

"Kurt, grow a pair and then get your ass upstairs and put the note up!" Mercedes said. "he's not gonna kill you. I have a feeling if he attempted it that you could probably take care of yourself."

Kurt muttered as he climbed the stairs. If Puck murdered him then his blood would be on both Quinn's and Mercedes' hands. He taped the scrap of paper to the door and left boa and tiara laying on a chair by the door.

He stalked back to the basement. "There. But you realize he's gonna be in a extremely shitty mood now, don' you?"

"Darn," Mike said sarcastically. "And he's usually such a sweetheart!" Everyone laughed.

It was at that moment that they heard the front door slam and heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. "I'm going to kill you Quinn! You can't even play the pregnant card now! You too Hummel! This has to be your shit cause no one would have thought to bring this with them and as far as I know Finn has always preferred pink when it came to dress-up clothes!" he dodged the pillow that had been launched at his head and plopped down between Tina and Matt.

Quinn just laughed at Puck's threats. "Blue is definitely your color by the way."

Puck smirked at her. "You know your badass when you can make this stuff look sexy. Who wants a beer?" he pulled a couple of six packs out of his book bag he'd been carrying and began tossing cans at people.

Quinn, Rachel, and Kurt were the only ones who refused the alcohol. "I'm pretty sure I know why Quinn doesn't want one. What're your excuses?"

"I feel that underage drinking is wrong and that the consumption of alcohol in general is-" Rachel started before Puck interrupted.

"I get the point. What about you Hummel?"

"I have a low tolerance for alcohol. And when I get drunk I have a tendency to hit on anything that moves."

"Well one beer isn't going to hurt you and if you do get drunk then we'll just laugh and video tape it." Puck said as he tossed Kurt a can.

"Gee, thanks. Now what are we going to do? I'm sure Rachel has some idea of something we could do since it was her idea."

"I was thinking we could just bond. Since the real reason Vocal Adrenaline beat us was that the were unified and united and we weren't. Its like we have cliques within the club. The Cheerios and football players and then the other gleeks. Although both Finn and Quinn migrate between the groups. We need to become a team and friendships are formed by sharing secrets!"

"We'll I'm sure as hell not spilling _my_ guts!" Kurt said.

"Why not dude?" Finn asked. "Don't you trust us?" Kurt was fairly sure that if Rachel had suggested they all go dance in the road, Finn would have been convinced it was a wonderful idea.

"Honestly, no not really. I'm not trying to be mean, but I've never actually had a conversation with Mike or Matt before. You and Puck both used to assist in throwing me in dumpsters. Rachel still makes me want to claw people's eyes out. And some things are secret for a reason."

A lot of people looked wounded by Kurt's reasoning and Mercedes quickly offered a counterargument. "Yeah but Mike and Matt have never been rude to anyone. Puck hasn't thrown anyone in a dumpster for months, Finn's your brother, Rachel makes everyone want to claw people's eyes out- I think it's a gift- and, boy, no one in here is going to judge you! Were all friends here! You know that!"

"Yeah I know…" Kurt said. "It's just that there are some things I'd much rather no one know."

"Well suck it up cause I think Rachel's onto something." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"On second thought, maybe getting drunk wouldn't be so bad." He took a gulp of his beer.

"Okay," Rachel said. "I think what we should do is everyone sit in a circle." Everyone scooted until they were sitting in a circle then Rachel continued. " and we can take turns asking questions- either to one person or to the group as a whole. You have to tell the truth no matter what. Got it?" Everyone nodded. "Okay, who wants to start?"

"I will," Quinn said. "Did anyone else lose their v-card while completely drunk?"

After a second, Kurt said quietly. "I did." Everyone stared at him. "You said you wouldn't judge."

"We're not," Rachel and Mercedes both assured him quickly. "We just want to know what happened."

Kurt sighed and looked down. "The summer between eighth grade and ninth, I went to summer camp and there were these guys who somehow managed to have a supply of alcohol at all times. And then one night when we were all drinking I guess I just had a little too much and I slept with this random girl. I don't know what her name was. I just kinda woke up with her in my bed." he hadn't looked up until now. "That's really it."

Quinn gave him a hug. "It could have been worse you know."

"How?"

"Well for starters you weren't in a relationship, you didn't actually give a shit about the person you slept with, you didn't have to face the person long afterwards, you didn't get kicked out of your house, you didn't get pregnant, you didn't hurt anyone you cared about. See?"

"Yeah. I see." Kurt grinned. "You're kind of great, you know that, right?"

Quinn smiled back. "Yeah, I know. So who's next?"

Rachel, who was sitting next to Quinn volunteered. "Why did everyone join glee?"

"I thought it looked fun." Mercedes said.

"Mercedes made me." Kurt said.

"My parents thought I was emotionally pained and wanted me to join the Cheerios. I convinced them glee would work just as well." Tina laughed.

"I saw Tina try out," Artie admitted.

Finn looked sheepish. "Mr. Shue made me think he thought I had something to do with some weed dealer. He said he was gonna tell my mom if I didn't join glee." everyone laughed.

Quinn went next. "I was supposed to be spying for Ms. Sylvester and I thought Finn was cheating on me with Rachel."

"I wanted in Quinn's pants." Puck said simply.

"Spying." Santana said. Brittany nodded.

"Mike told me to." Matt said.

"Umm… Well… You see… Uh… Pass?" Mike stuttered. Everyone stared at him.

"Spill dude" Finn said. "It can't be any worse than my reason."

Mike muttered something then when everyone continued to stare said in a louder voice. "I had a crush on Kurt."

Matt looked sad. Kurt blushed. Finn looked amused. Puck raised an eyebrow. Artie smiled. All the girls said 'awww'.

"You don't anymore do you?" asked Kurt.

"No." Kurt looked relieved

"Good. I knew you were gay though. I have killer gaydar. And if my gaydar is correct-and it totally is- you and Matt have a thing going."

Mike and Matt both turned bright red. "How did you know?"

"Like I said, gaydar. Most gay guys have good gaydar, you know. And it's not like you made it obvious by, I don't know, hanging all over each other and joining 'Homo Explosion'. Finn's turn."

"Uh, ok, Biggest fear?"

"Snakes," Rachel shuddered.

"Vampires," Tina laughed, thinking of how she'd impersonated her biggest fear to protect her right to her goth clothes.

"Vampires aren't real," Puck said. "spiders."

"Clowns," Matt said.

"Freddie Kruger." Mike said.

"Death," Santana said.

"Ms. Sylvester." Brittany said. Kurt chuckled.

"Rodents of any kind." Artie said.

Mercedes looked embarrassed. "Ants."

"Why?" Puck asked.

"I don't know, they creep me out. They're just freaky."

"Oh, Ok. Kurt's turn."

"Fire."

"Why fire?" Finn asked.

"When we studied the Salem Witch Trials I had a dream that I was burned at the stake."

"Why would they burn you? You don't act like a witch, wouldn't Tina be more likely to get burned? No offense Tina."

"They also burned gay people. That's where the term fag came from. It's short for faggot, which is a bundle of sticks. They used them to tie people in the fire. That's why that term is considered offensive."

Puck, Finn, Mike, and Matt all looked horrified. Kurt understood why Mike and Matt were upset by that but why would Puck and Finn care?

"Why do you two look so disturbed?" He asked them.

"Um… I never knew that. If I had I would never have called you that. And I'm still really sorry." Finn said.

"Yeah, I'm sure if Karofsky and the rest knew they wouldn't call you that any more." Puck agreed.

Kurt laughed humorlessly. "Actually I bet that would just give them the idea to try to burn me at the stake. Or disturb them just as much as it did Mike and Matt." Puck and Finn glanced at each other.

"Um… Why would it disturb them?" Finn asked. "I mean I get why it would disturb people and everything but you compared them to Mike and Matt and their…"

"Gay?" Matt, Mike, Kurt, and Puck all said at the same time.

"Seriously, I'm surprised Karofsky and Azimo haven't been outed. I mean, really. They hang out together all the time. Just the two of them. It's sort of obvious." Everyone was staring at him. "What? Super gaydar, remember?" He quickly changed the subject. "Who wants to go next?"

"I will," Puck said. "Person in this room who is getting on your nerves the most lately? And Why?"

Rachel, like last time, was the first to respond. "Mercedes. She always acts like she thinks I don't deserve any solos and she could perform them better."

Mercedes was next. "Rachel. She acts like she's the only one who knows how to sing."

Finn smiled as he said "Artie. Cause he won't get up the guts and ask Tina out already." He just grinned even more when Artie threw his empty beer can at him.

"Finn" Kurt said, too everyone's surprise. "Cause I'm sick of cleaning his piss off the floor, since he obviously has no control over his dick and can't hit the toilet to save his life- or bother to lift the seat up. Or pick up his clothes. And since he thinks it's okay when he has friends over to let whoever won't fit in his bed with him crawl into bed with me. I mean, it's fine when it's Puck, Mike, or Matt. I just hate waking up with random guys I don't know in my bed with no memory of how they got there!"

"Me too!" Brittany said.

"Brittany, sweetheart," Kurt said. "I think it's a little different."

"How?"

"I don't _sleep _with them sleep with them you know?"

"Why not?"

"Just cause." Kurt said. Brittany was satisfied wit his answer.

"Puck." Brittany said in response to the original question. "He keeps staring at Kurt during practice and bumps into me." Puck blushed a deep shade of red and ducked his head in embarrassment. He was immensely relieved when no one questioned him and it moved on to a conversation about why Santana was pissed at Matt for not telling her about Mike, Then why Tina was also annoyed at Artie for not asking her out already.

"Who's next?" Rachel asked.

"I'll go." Matt said. "Kurt. How'd you figure out you were gay?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "It wasn't exactly a all-of-a-sudden thing. But I guess when I finally accepted it and everything was last year in the locker room- don't give me an alarmed look Puck, it's not actually perverted if you'll just listen- and all the boys were talking about girls. And I realized that I never had and never would feel that way about a girl, although I did thoroughly enjoy checking out the other guys."

"What made you start thinking you were gay?" Matt asked.

Kurt sighed. "Do you just want the whole story?"

"That'd be nice."

"Ok well, after I slept with the girl from camp, I felt funny. I felt like since normal guys seemed to enjoy sleeping with girls so much, maybe there was a reason, besides being drunk off my ass at the time, that I hadn't felt anything. And I had a friend who thought she was possibly lesbian, so we kinda- you know. And we found out that she was straight and I was not so straight. After that, all I had to do was accept it. And I did."

"What about coming out? How'd you do that?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Technically I've only came out to like seventeen people. The rest are just assuming. And before you can ask, Cedes, the six people besides the eleven of you are my dad(of course), Carole, Mr. Shue, Jesse since I talked about my sexuality in glee when he was still around, Karofsky, and Azimo. When I was yelling at them before their attempt at beating me up I said stuff about 'being different' and I mean really, what else would I mean by that? And it's not that hard to guess anyway, I'm kinda a flamer."

"No, really?" Puck asked mockingly. "I had _no _idea, never would have even guessed."

"Shut up." Kurt said with a chuckle. "Who's next?"

Santana looked at Kurt with a look that he assumed was suppost to pass as disinterest. "Hummel. Who was your almost lez friend? Maybe she could still be converted."

"Doubtful. And I can't tell you. I swore that I would never tell anyone and so far I haven't."

"Well, do we know her?" Finn asked.

"Yes."

"Just tell us!"

"No. I can't. I promised."

"Hummel, Your gonna have to break a promise sometime. Might as well be now." Puck said.

"No! I am _not _going to spill because I greatly respect this girl and she specifically said not to ever tell anyone.."

"She won't mind." Tina said quietly.

"Yes she would. It would embarrass her and she should just be able to relax because her last few months have been shit."

"They weren't that bad. I bet she got over it. And she just wants her friends to know everything, cause that's what friends are for. Tell us."

"It was Tina." Kurt said as he examined his suddenly fascinating hem on his shirt.

"Shit, Hummel. How many girls have you had sex with?" Puck sounded impressed.

"Umm…four, five maybe?"

"But your gay."

"No, really? Surely you jest. Of course I'm gay!"

"Usually gay guys don't go around fucking girls."

"Well with the first one I was drunk, then with Tina it was kind of on purpose but it was just to be sure I was gay, then with Brittany it was because I thought I could make myself straight, then there was this girl, Rana, she blackmailed me and said that if I didn't sleep with her then she'd tell everyone something, then I got drunk again and slept with some Cheerio who I don't remember the name of."

"Kurt. Show them what Rana was threatening to tell everyone." Mercedes said. "They won't judge. They love you and I don't think that this will change that."

"No."

"Come on,"

"They'll think I'm freaky. Then they'll hate me."

"You're showing them. You can either take off your pants by yourself or I will _make_ you take them off."

Everyone else, who had no idea what was going on, was disturbed when Kurt sighed, muttered "Fine whatever", then pulled his pants off, sat down and twisted his left leg so that the inside of his thigh was facing up. Everyone stared at the words making up the list that was carved on Kurt's leg in thin white scars, It was a list of words. Horrible words, mostly homophobic slurs. "Uh, Kurt? Why do you have words on your leg?" Puck asked.

Kurt muttered something, Mercedes elbowed him, then he said "It's a list of names I got called. Every single one from the first day of freshman year, til the day when Cedes caught me and made me stop. If she hadn't I would of filled this thigh, probably the other one as well." Puck leaned closer and read Kurt's leg. He counted the names he had called Kurt as well as the names he had convinced Mike, Matt or Finn to call him. Thirty- five. Thirty-five times he had caused Kurt pain. He brushed his fingertips over the raised, puckered marks on Kurt's otherwise flawless skin. He knew that the rest of glee club was most likely staring at him, but he didn't really care. All that was running through his mind was images of Kurt with blood flowing from his leg from the cuts in the shape of word that had come from his mouth. "Fuck Kurt, I'm sorry."

Kurt's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "What for?"

"Out of all those words, I was some how responsible for thirty-five of them- either saying them myself or making Mike, Matt, or Finn say them. And I'm sorry."

Kurt smiled softly. "Your taking responsibility for four people's actions and you really should just be taking responsibility for your own. Mike, Matt, and Finn could have said no, it was their choice." When no one said anything for a minute he said sadly, "You must all think I'm so screwed up. I'm gay but I keep screwing girls and I'm and ex-cutter."

Tina rolled up her sleeve and showed Kurt her arm. It was covered it scars- designs, the word bitch, and ragged slashes. "Your not the only one. I used to sit and gouge my skin with a safety pin. When I couldn't find safety pins I would stand in the shower with the water as hot as it would go and let it burn me. I stopped when I joined glee. It was like as soon as I had friends, it didn't matter what the jocks said about me." Tina scooted closer and Kurt pulled her into a big hug.

"Did you ever try to kill yourself?" Kurt asked softly.

"No. Did you?"

"Yeah. After football practice one day I swallowed half a bottle of my dad's sleeping pills. I probably would of died if it weren't for Puck. He decided it was a good day to beat the shit out of me and it made me throw up." Kurt said. "Now you probably _really_ think I'm screwed up."

"No," Puck corrected him. "Now we all think we're complete asses."

The 'game' went on. It was rather uneventful. Brittany asked if anyone believed in unicorns being the only highlight. Well that and watching Puck gaze at Kurt while Kurt kept his eyes directed toward his lap.

"Ok," Rachel said after everyone had asked a question. "Who's up for a little bit of a lighter game?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Well first of all, thanks for all the reviews!****J This is my first fan fiction/attempt at writing, so if it sounds like it's written by someone who has no idea what their doing it's cause it is. Also, I'm open to suggestions, if anyone posts a suggestion I'll at least try to work it in somewhere. This is a lighter chapter kinda, at first, then it's just more angst and woe. And in case you haven't noticed, the Kurt in this story is both suicidal and kinda a slut and soon he's going to be upset and drunk too! I'm horrible, I know. Please continue to be nice, according to my psychiatrist I really need to work on controlling my "Psychotic urges"(JK about the last part, but still). And Patches is the hobo they mention in Mattress while looking at the old yearbooks. A few of warnings, one or two mentions of the f bomb, a homophobic rant and a couple of guys take their clothes off. Sorry for three things, one is the long author's note, two is that this chapter might be not so focused sounding- I wrote this with a gigando spider on the wall, waiting for it to fall on me, and three is any southern expressions- I have no idea how people talk up north. That's about it. I'll shut up now, read on.**

_DISCLAIMER: if I owned this show everyone would cry all the time and everyone would be gay and/or emo and/or bitchy. So, no, not mine. Sadly._

Chapter Two

"Ok, who's up for a little bit of a lighter game?" Rachel asked. Everyone agreed and she thought for a moment. "How about Do, Kill, Marry?"

"Pardon Moi?" Kurt asked.

"Come on, Kurt. Everyone's played Do, Kill, Marry before!"

"Umm… Not me. Why would I have?"

"Well it's actually rather common at sleepovers-"

"Well I've never actually been to a sleepover before."

"What? Why not?"

"Well until this year, I never really had any friends…"

"Oh. Well whatever, Do, Kill, Marry is when you put slips of paper with people's names on them in a pile, or a hat, a bowl, you get the idea, then you take turns pulling out three slips of paper and have to tell who you would kill, who you would do, and who you would marry."

"Oh, sounds fun."

"It is. Now everyone has to right down five boys names and fives girls names to go into the bowls," Rachel instructed after running upstairs to grab two cereal bowls and supplying everyone with a pen and ten scraps of paper. After everyone's papers were in the bowls she continued, "Ok, boys names are in the white bowl, girl's names are in the yellow bowl. Brittany, do you want to go first?"

"Sure!" she answered happily. She pulled three scraps of paper from the white bowl. "Matt, Finn, and Puck. Easy- I'd do Matt, marry Finn, and kill Puck!"

"I'll go next," Santana volunteered, " Artie, Mr. Shue, and coach Tenaka. Seriously, couldn't I just off myself? I'd kill Tenaka. I guess I'd do Mr. Shue and marry Artie."

"Me next." Rachel read the names on her papers. "Um… Why did I pull Ms. Sylvester's name out of the boy's bowl?"

"Sorry," Brittany said. "I wasn't sure which bowl she should go in, so I put her in both."

Rachel just nodded then slipped the slip of paper into the yellow bowl and pulled another one from the white bowl. "Jew fro, Karofsky, and Brad. Who the hell is Brad?"

"He's that guy who plays the piano, isn't he?" Tina asked.

"Yeah, I think so." Mercedes said

"Oh. Well I guess I would marry Brad, cause I would love to kill "Jew fro", and I kind of hate Karofsky, but he's also kinda hot."

"Sure he is," Quinn said sarcastically.

"My turn," Finn said, reaching for the yellow bowl. "Santana, Rachel and Tina. I'd do Tina, kill Santana, and marry Rachel."

Quinn went next. "Puck, Mike, and Patches. Seriously? Patches? You must hate me, who even put that there?" Kurt smirked. "Hmm… I'd kill Puck, marry Mike, and do Patches."

"Great, so I'm below Patches now?" Puck asked.

"Yep. I'm still mad at you. It's your fault I had to shit out a seven pound person." Quinn replied matter-of-factly.

Puck grumbled in response then said "My turn. Rachel, Brittany, and Mr. Shue's ex-wife. I'd do Mr. Shue's ex-wife, marry Brittany, and kill Rachel."

Mike pulled three slips from the white bowl. "Matt, Finn, and Mike. I pulled me." he put one paper back in the bowl and pulled out another one. "Artie. I'd do Finn, kill Artie, and marry Matt." Matt smiled . He scooted closer to Mike and rested his head on his shoulder, then pulled three slips of paper. "Puck, Artie, and Kurt. I'd do Kurt, marry Artie, and kill Puck."

Mercedes went next. "Jesse, Finn, and Azimo. I'd kill Jesse, do Azimo, and marry Finn."

"My turn," Kurt said. "Jesse, Puck, and Finn." Kurt started to put one back but Rachel covered the bowl.

"You're not actually related by blood. And you can only return a piece of paper if it was in the wrong bowl, you pull yourself, or you're related."

Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes. "Then I would kill Finn, do Jesse, and marry Puck. Maybe then my bathroom wouldn't smell like pee."

"Well finally someone chooses not to kill me!" Puck exclaimed.

"I don't make the bathroom smell like pee!" Finn said defensively.

Kurt gave him a look. "Have you smelled the bathroom lately?"

"Umm… well, no. I'm hoping you haven't been sniffing it either."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean!"

"And I'm just saying', our bathroom smells a hell of a lot better than Puck's."

"Oh, so you've been sniffing Puck's bathroom?" Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. Finn turned bright red.

"No! I'm just saying-"

"Whatever. Who want's pizza? And how many pizzas do we need to get. I know for a fact Finn will probably eat a whole one and I'm figuring Puck will as well. Anyone else?" Mike, Matt, and Quinn raised their hands.

"Seriously? Quinn? You can, honestly eat a whole pizza by yourself?"

"Oh, you better believe it!" Puck said. "She can also four pop tarts and one time she scarfed down a whole carton of ice cream. It was very impressive."

"I bet." Artie said.

Quinn was giving Puck the death glare and finally said "Shut up drag queen, I think it's post-pregnancy stress. How many pizzas will we need?"

"Get seven, Hummel."

"Um… Ok. Why?"

"Lucky number."

"Oh… Whatever." He called in the order and then hung up the phone. " You guys realize that I'm paying 70 bucks just to feed all of you right? Or I guess _I'm _actually only paying fifty since that's all I've got, so that means I'll be jacking twenty from Finn. Thanks by the way."

"Hey! You are not getting any money from me! You just said you'd kill me!"

"Boo-hoo. Where's your wallet?"

"I got it dude." Puck said, pulling out some money. "You pay half and I'll pay half."

"No! Finn and I are the hosts which means we should pay for the food."

Puck took thirty-five bucks out of his wallet, rolled the bills up, and tucked them into Kurt's back pocket. "Oh, sorry dude. If it touches your ass it's officially your's." he shrugged.

Kurt smiled at him. "You are full of shit. And thanks."

Puck smiled back. "No problem."

"Hey," Artie said with a look surprisingly like Quinn's had been earlier. "You know what could be funny?"

Puck smirked at him sarcastically. "Locking you in a room with Rachel after dumping you out of your chair so you can't escape?"

"Hahahahahahahaha- no. I think when the pizza guy gets here I think you and Kurt should answer the door and make him think he was interrupting something."

"What? No!" Kurt said at the same time Puck said. "Sure, why not?"

"Come on," Rachel whined. "It'll be hilarious!"

"Yeah," Santana agreed. "At a Cherrio party one time we got Jenny Green and Karofsky to do that. It was great! You should have seen the look on the poor dudes face when they answered the door."

Kurt rolled his eyes. His face was bright red. "I am _not_ going to try to make anyone think I would make out with Puck. And I'm definitely not answering the door less-than-fully clothed."

"Don't be such a drama-queen," Puck said. "It won't kill you. And Wheels is practically questioning my badassness. Also I'm thinking that'll mean I'll be rid of these fuckers for at least a little bit." He gestured to the tiara and boa, which he was still wearing.

Quinn smirked. "Nope. They're just gonna think you're a very strange couple."

"No they're not. Cause I'm not doing it."

"Come on, Kurt." Quinn said. "If you don't do it then your sort of saying that Puck makes you nervous. And _that_ kind of implies that you have a crush on him. So, technically, you would be proving that you don't like him by doing this."

"Quinn, you've known me for long enough that you should know that logic really has no effect on me. So I still say no." Kurt stuck out his tongue.

"You know you kind of owe me," Quinn said, obviously trying to play the guilt card.

"Quinn, I am a heartless bitch. You are _not_ going to make me feel guilty!"

Quinn sniffed and dabbed at non-existent tears with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry, I guess I just thought… since I endured _all _of your 'whine about Finn, Puck, Rachel, glee, lack of gay guys, and whatever else I can think of' sessions, that you kind of owed me. And it's not like were asking you to do something bad."

"No," Kurt said sarcastically. "Nothing bad, just answer the door half-naked with another half-naked guy in Lima, also known as 'The Capital of Homophobia'"

"We'll all be where we can help if the big scary pizza guy tries to attack you."

Kurt sighed. "Fine. But I'm only agreeing because I can't think of anymore reasons not to and I'm starting to get a little bit drunk. And I'm probably gonna drink a couple more beers with dinner, so after that I'll be completely drunk and I have no idea who I will try to seduce. I will also probably be incredibly offensive, sorry in advance."

"Great!" Quinn said, obviously ignoring the entire, I'm going to be drunk part and focusing on the fine part. "Let's go ahead and make you guys look like you were banging in Kurt's kitchen."

"Quinn!" Kurt said.

"Well that's what were going for! Now both of you take your shirts off." She said as she started messing up Kurt's hair. Kurt looked pained by this and was muttering several slightly different versions of 'I can not believe I'm doing this.' Puck on the other hand, looked unfazed as he pulled his shirt off. Quinn continued to ruffle Kurt's hair and yelled at him to take his shirt off, which he did while still muttering to himself. "One of you need to take off your pants."

"No! That's where I draw the line!" Kurt said.

Quinn grinned. "I thought that would stop the muttering." she thought a moment. "Although it would be funny if Puck sat in the background in his boxers and dress up clothes." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Fine by me." Puck said. "Everyone here but Rachel, Tina, and Mercedes has seen me in my underwear at some point." he kicked his pants off.

"Oh God, if Dad and Carol get back early then me and Finn are both dead."

"Hey, why would I be dead? I'm not the one who's taking his clothes off!"

"No, but you didn't stop me and apparently you are supposed to, and this is my dad's unfortunate and highly ironic choice of saying not mine, "keep me straight" and that is definitely not working out for you. You fail!"

Puck laughed and Finn scowled at him. "Yeah, cause Burt wouldn't, like I don't know, kill you or anything for being in the same room as his son while not fully clothed."

Puck shrugged, looking unconcerned. The doorbell rang. Kurt looked at the clock. "Damn it. In two more minutes it would have been free." He looked at Puck. "Come on, let's go."

"At least unfasten your pants!" Quinn yelled after him. She was satisfied when she heard a zipping noise.

When Kurt and Puck got to the Kitchen, Puck leaned against the table and tried to look winded and Kurt went to get the door. He heard the door open and then Kurt's voice say in a panicky tone "Uncle Jim!"

"Hey Kurtie! How's my favorite nephew? Hope I wasn't interrupting anything with a lady friend." Puck tried to slip back to the basement, behind the table or at least pull open the refrigerator door but he saw Kurt's uncle's eyes flicker to him then back to Kurt. "Kurtis Bartholomew Hummel! What the hell? I thought your father raised you better than this! He will be heartbroken when I tell him his son's gay! And do you know what your mom would say? You should be ashamed of yourself, putting your poor family through this- they have enough on their plate without you turning fag! Especially with someone who looks like a cross dresser turned stripper!"

"Uncle Jim, we didn't do anything. I swear!"

"Bullshit!" He practically threw the pizzas at Kurt and grabbed the money hanging loosely from his hand. "You better believe I'll be telling Burt about this!" He said as he stormed away. Kurt shut the door and turned towards Puck with an expression that was a mixture of terrified, sad, pissed, and mortified. Without a word he led the way back to the basement. He knew no one had heard since he had purposefully closed the soundproof door his dad had added when Kurt had decided loud music was the best thing ever, just cause he could. Sure enough when he entered the room and tossed the pizzas onto the floor in the middle of the circle everyone was grinning at them and asking how it went. He plopped down without a word and looked at Puck.

"Umm…" Puck said. "Kurt kind of knew the pizza guy. It was his like fifty-something year old uncle. Let's just say they're gonna have a hell of a family reunion next time they get together."

Kurt was close to tears. "He said I should be ashamed of putting my family through this, said my dad raised me better, said I'd 'turned fag'," He let out a shuddery sob. "and then he asked what my mom would say. And said he was going to tell my dad." At that point Kurt lost it, leaning against Mercedes' shoulder to cry.

"It's ok," she said. You know your dad's not going to be mad, he knows your gay."

"I'm actually a little more concerned that he's going to tell him that there was a half-naked boy in the kitchen!" Kurt said irritably. "Dad'll never believe me, he'll think I'm some sort of whore. And he's going to kill me. And most likely not let me have male friends besides Finn until I die!"

Quinn gave Kurt a one armed hug before resting her forehead on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I was the ringleader in this. It's all my fucking fault. I totally understand if you want to kill me or kick me out."

Kurt laughed lightly. "Not your fault I could have said no, nobody knew Uncle Jim worked at Dominoes, not your fault he's a homophobe."

"Actually, it's my fault," Artie said. "I'm the one who suggested it in the first place. I mostly just wanted to see Kurt without his shirt on."

Everyone looked shocked except for Kurt. He just looked tired. "You know, I was going to be completely drunk soon enough. If you had waited a little longer you could have probably convinced me to lose the shirt."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't think it through. I'm so, so, sorry." he looked completely sincere so Kurt smiled at him.

"It's ok. You didn't plan for the pizza guy to be my relative. It was just supposed to be funny, and if it had been a random guy, it would have been hilarious." Kurt scooted over to Artie's wheelchair and gave the boy a hug. Artie then looked completely happy.

"Hey!" Finn said suddenly. "does this mean that I am officially the only straight guy in glee club?" Kurt, Artie, Puck, Mike, and Matt all nodded. "Great."

"Kurt didn't seem very surprised that Artie was gay," Matt said. "Super-gaydar?"

"Nope," Kurt said. "usually if you have dated a guy he's not completely straight." Everyone stared at him. "What? True statement. I never turned any other guys straight. I figured I hadn't traumatized Artie." More stares. Kurt sighed. "last year, early second semester."

Everyone just nodded. The fourth coming out that night, although Puck hadn't so much "came out" as just gave lots of hints. Puck looked very unhappy about how Kurt was sitting with his back against Artie's wheelchair. Artie, on the other hand looked rather pleased. Puck glared at the boy in the wheelchair. "So," he said casually. "Why'd you break up?"

Kurt looked vaguely sad, which made Puck wish he'd left it alone. "We just kind of grew apart."

"That's a lie and you know it." Artie said. "I decided I could handle being the kid in the wheelchair, but I couldn't handle being the gay kid in the wheelchair. I got bullied enough as it was. So I ignored Kurt and then dumped him by text and said if he ever told anyone that I'd run him over with my wheelchair. Classy, I know."

Everyone nodded and noticed that Kurt slid a little bit closer to Puck after Artie said this. Puck slipped his arm around Kurt's waist. No one said anything for a minute.

Quinn suddenly grabbed a pizza and said. "The foods gonna get cold."

The football players all grabbed their pizzas and the six remaining gleeks divided the two other pizzas amongst themselves. Kurt grabbed another beer, Puck grabbed Kurt's wrist. "Really? Your already upset, do you want to be drunk too?"

Kurt stared at him a minute, then said "Um… Yeah. People usually want to get drunk when upset."

"Yeah, but upset and drunk usually doesn't end very well, trust me- I know."

"Oh, ok. Don't care. Still drinking another beer"

"Fine, don't say I didn't warn you.!"

"Kay, will do." Kurt popped the top on his third beer and took a big gulp. Everyone rolled their eyes. "What? Drunk people can't think about how they're going to be dead when their dad gets home."

"Kurt, your dad loves you. And if he's ok with you being gay, I doubt he's going to be to shocked if someone tells him you're putting your gayness into action, you know?"

"It's not that. He'd probably kill Finn if he'd had a girl in the kitchen. That's just how he is, true love waits and all that jazz."

"Oh," Quinn said as she gulped down her fourth slice of pizza, Puck hadn't been kidding- the girl could pack it away.

Everyone chewed in silence for a minute. Eventually the conversation went back to normal things, the songs they were working on in glee, football, school.

After everyone had finished eating, Tina suggested something that even Kurt had heard of. "Never have I ever?"

**Kay, there's the second chapter. So… good? Bad? I know the whole answering the door was weird, but I was trying to fit a homophobic rant in, sorry. So could ppl PLEASE suggest questions for never have I ever in the next chap. Please? Cause I have no idea what to use. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Thanks for the reviews, suggestions, and putting up with my incompetence: ) Please Review! Warnings: Talking about sex, Mentions of eating disorders, Angsty Puck, mentions of shoplifting, F bomb, inaccurate portrayal of being drunk(I know when people are actually drunk they have to sleep it off, but whatever It's my story *sticks tongue out*) **

_Disclaimer: Are Puck and Kurt getting together soon? No? Damn, I still don't own glee. I know, I'm sad too._

**Chapter Three**

Tina looked at Kurt, slightly concerned. "Can Kurt really play a drinking game when he's already drunk?"

Rachel looked at Kurt where he was hanging on Puck and whispering something in Puck's ear which Puck clearly found amusing. "Sure, he's fine. As long as we don't give him alcohol poisoning. Do we even have anymore beer or anything?" She looked at all the empty cans littering the floor. She knew that if Kurt hadn't been drunk the would have been horrified at the litter. However there were no more unopened cans. "Hey, Kurt?" Do you have any drinks? Alcohol, soda, juice?"

Kurt looked up at her and said in a foggy voice. "Holy shit, an old lady and schoolgirl Barbie had an illegitimate love child and it had an orgasm on Rachel's sweater!" He looked terrified for a moment then went back to whispering to Puck.

Finn who had been talking to Quinn, looked up when he heard Kurt's statement. He laughed at Rachel's shocked, confused expression. "There are some two liters upstairs, come on." She nodded and followed him up the stairs. Puck was guessing this was what Kurt had meant when he had said he would offend people. At least he'd gave them fair warning…

Finn and Rachel came back down the stairs, each holding six two-liters of Mountain Dew. They passed them out. "Burt won't keep alcohol in the house anymore. Last time he did Kurt drank all of it and I had to take care of him. At least he's a funny drunk." Finn said.

Kurt looked up at him, clearly offended. "I'm not drunk!"

"Dude," Puck said. "You were just telling dirty Harry Potter jokes. You're definitely drunk."

Kurt giggled. "Just a little. But you like it!" he winked and then curled up beside Puck with his head on his shoulder. Puck chuckled and looked at Finn.

"Is he always like this when he's drunk?" He asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. Last time he was drunk he hit on me, then on the pizza guy, and then he puked all over the place and fell asleep in my bed." Finn said.

"Charming." Rachel said. "Now who wants to play Never have I Ever?"

Everyone nodded and then scooted back into their previous circle. "I'll start." Santana volunteered. "Never have I ever…had sex at school." her and Brittany each took a swig of Mountain Dew.

Brittany went next. "Never have I ever put a bird in my locker." She looked confused when she realized she was the only one drinking. "Seriously? You should try it! It was fun, I had to talk to that counselor person but it was so worth it."

"Ok…" Rachel said. "I'll go next. Never have I ever… caught my kitchen on fire trying to cook." Finn and Kurt both drank, Kurt having a little help from Puck so that he didn't pour it down his front.

Santana scoffed. "I figured Kurt would be like Betty Crocker or something."

Finn grinned sheepishly. "We tried to cook supper for Mom and Burt one time. Macaroni and cheese and tater tots. The tater tots turned out fine, but we kinda forgot about the macaroni. It caught on fire and we had to call the fire department."

Puck laughed. "Sounds like something you douches would do."

"Yeah." Finn said. "My turn. Never have I ever… had my ass kicked at video games by a gay kid." Puck, Finn, Artie, Mike, Matt, Mercedes, Tina, and Quinn all drank.

Kurt grinned smugly. "Actually you've had your ass kicked at video games by five gay kids. God, you suck!"

Finn's eyebrows crinkled together as he thought, then counted. "Shit you're right!"

"Yep! Who want's to hear a twilight joke? What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common? Their balls are just for decoration! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Puck looked at Kurt, who was laying on his shoulder. "Yep, Kurt's definitely drunk. And I've heard that one before."

Kurt looked up at him and grinned drunkenly. "You're just jealous cause I thought of it first!"

"Sure I am, buddy. My turn! Never have I ever…" He grinned evilly. "Never have I ever thought about someone in this room while masturbating!" Several people's faces turned red. Artie, Mike, Matt, Kurt, Puck, Finn, Quinn, Santana, Brittany, and Tina all drunk from their two-liter. Mercedes and Rachel shared a look which clearly meant 'apparently we're the only two normal people left here'

"Hey," Kurt said suddenly. "Who want's to hear a dirty joke?"

"Oh, no!" Finn said. "Kurt knows like a total of 10 dirty jokes and he's already told the twilight one!"

Puck smirked. "He told me two about Harry Potter."

"Shit."

Kurt grins. "There was a smoker, an alcoholic, and a gay guy-"

"No Kurt! Shut up, that's a horrible joke!"

"And they wanted to give up smoking, give up alcohol, and not be gay. So they went to a wizard and the wizard cast a spell to where if they gave into temptation they'd die."

"Kurt! I'm warning you! That jokes not funny!"

"The next day the alcoholic's dead already and the smoker and the gay guy are walking down the street and the smoker sees a cigarette lying on the sidewalk."

"Kurt!"

"And the gay guy says, bend over to pick that up and we're both done for!" Kurt laughs and everyone else stares at him. "What? It was funny!"

"Four down, six to go." Finn muttered. "So whose turn is it now?"

"I'll go," Tina said. "Never have I ever… thought I was pregnant." she took a swig from her bottle, along with Brittany and Santana. "Did you know who the father would have been?"

"Well I had it narrowed down to, like, three people…" Santana said.

"It would have either been Kurt's or Azimo's," Brittany said. "And they don't look alike, so I would have figured it out. Did you know who the dad would have been?"

Tina nodded. "Jacob Ben Israel."

"You did Jewfro?" Puck asked. "You've got balls, Tee."

"Yeah, well, blackmail does wonders. It was kinda a 'don't think about, boil your skin, and move on thing'." She shuddered. "Anyways, who's turn next?"

"I'll go." Mercedes said. "Never have I ever purposefully starved myself." Brittany, Quinn, Santana, Mercedes, and(to everyone's surprise) Puck drank. "We all were losing weight for the Cheerios I'm assuming. Why did you starve yourself?"

"My dad left, I figured out I was gay, my wrestling coach wanted me down a weight class, my mom was drunk all the time- take your pick." Puck said quietly. "I think I was mostly just hoping that if I stopped eating, I'd just fade, until eventually I'd just disappear. Poof, like turn to dust or something. No one ever noticed- Mom was to drunk and no one really gave a damn anyway. My little sister caught me puking my guts out one time and got scared I was dying. Then I realized, I probably was. And I was all she had. So I got help. Haven't skipped a meal or purged in a year and a half almost." He smiled a little bit and Kurt gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "So whose next?"

"Me," Quinn said. "Never have I ever felt like one or both of my parents hated me." She, Puck, Kurt, and Tina all drank. Finn looked at Kurt.

"Dude, your dad thinks that you can do no wrong, like ever."

"Yeah, I know. But right after I came out, I just felt like he wished I was someone else's problem and that he had a nice, normal, straight son. I kind of felt that way up until he kicked you out for calling me a fag, then it hit me. He sort of had a straight son in you, but he kicked you out. He could have just ignored it, but he didn't."

"Wait, you did what?" Mercedes and Quinn screamed at the same time. Kurt seemed to just realize that he'd said anything about Finn calling him a fag and cursed under his breath. Finn looked terrified.

"It was nothing," Kurt assured them. "Finn and I had a slight misunderstanding and he said something he probably shouldn't have, no big deal. He was talking to the blanket anyway." Both girls glared at Finn and if looks could kill Finn would be dying an extremely painful death.

"You called Kurt a fag? What the hell did he do to you?" Quinn asked.

Finn looked at the carpet. "Tried to help me wash my Kiss makeup off."

"So you called him a fag?" Mercedes asked.

"No I called his lamp and blanket faggy. Burt overheard and freaked out."

"Gee, wonder why?" Quinn said icily.

"Cedes, Quinnie, Not that big of a deal. Besides, he kept Karofsky and Azimo from beating the crap out of me, so he's forgiven." Both girls continued to glare but since neither had began beating him with the same lamp that still sat on Kurt's nightstand, he figured he was safe. "My turn!" Kurt said happily. He was acting less drunk, probably due to the mountain dew and the saltines he'd been munching on for the last thirty minutes. "Never have I ever had a threesome." everyone stared at him in shock. Brittany and Santana both took a gulp of mountain dew.

"Jeez, Hummel," Puck said. "I think your officially the badass of glee club. You've slept with more girls than me, slept with more guys than me, and had a threesome. I'm starting to feel like I'm actually a pretty good kid."

Kurt looked amused. "How many girls and guys have you slept with exactly?"

Puck turned red. "Um… one girl. Quinn. And no guys. And Quinn was just because I was too drunk to figure out what was happening until it had already happened. I'd already gave up on the whole 'straight with slightly gay tendencies' and 'it doesn't count if it's a girly guy' shit at that point, but I still wasn't ready for everyone to know I was gay, so I just told Santana and she offered to tell people that we were fuck buddies so no one would suspect anything. Do you think that makes her my beard/fag hag?"

"Noah, that definitely makes her your beard/fag hag," Kurt said. He pinched puck's cheek. "Little virgin Noah!" He laughed.

"Hey, not true! I knocked a girl up! So I am at least a little badass!"

"Do you even remember it?"

"Um, I remember waking up with a hangover, finding Quinn in my bed, freaking out, accidentally knocking Quinn out of my bed, then bursting into tears."

Kurt grinned. "Aw, how cute!"

Puck stuck his tongue out at him. "So who were your threesome buddies?"

Kurt snorted. "These two guys I met at a gay bar in New York last summer. Their names were Oliver and some Bible name- Adam, Abraham, Moses, who knows. We didn't actually talk that much."

Puck grinned. "I think I like kick-ass, skanky Kurt."

Kurt grinned back. "Well I think I kind of like virginal, deep, troubled Noah, too."

"Can you guys get a room," Finn asked. "Please? I do not need images of my brother kissing my best friend to add to my nightmares."

"I have a room, Finn." Kurt replied. "I'm currently in it and so are you. Feel free to leave anytime though."

Finn pouted and muttered something about 'stupid Kurt and his stupid room', but didn't make a move to leave.

"I think I'm basically sober now," Kurt said. "How bad was I?"

"Not as bad as you could have been," Finn said. "You only got through four dirty jokes. You said an old lady and schoolgirl Barbie's illegitimate love child had an orgasm on Rachel's sweater. You hit on Puck a little, just some flirting- you kept all your clothes on."

Kurt laughed. "Well I know the jokes were probably not the greatest, although I stand by my statement on Rach's sweater!" Rachel stuck her tongue out at him.

"I'll go next," Artie volunteered. "Never have I ever had sex in my parent's bed." He drank, along with Santana, Brittany, Tina, and Mike. "I got caught. It was super awkward."

Santana smirked. "I never got caught."

"I did, but it was by my cat and I don't think she told my parents."

Mike chuckled. "My mom still can't look Matt in the eye."

"I didn't get caught, if I had it would have been horrible! Can you imagine what my mom's reaction would have been?" Everyone who had met Tina's mom laughed. "You dishonor our family! You will never get married if you lose your purity! Disgrace!" She said in A high chirpy voice. "Who's turn?"

"I'll go," Mike said. "Never have I ever been asked if I was having sex with my teacher to pass their class." Puck and Finn both took a gulp of Mountain Dew.

"Does it count if you really were sleeping with your teacher to pass?" Brittany asked.

Mike just stared at her. "Sure." She nodded before taking a drink. "Matt's turn!"

Matt who had been picking at a hole in the knee of his jeans looked up when his name was mentioned and nodded. "never have I ever shoplifted." Kurt, Tina, Rachel, Mercedes, and Finn all drank while grinning at each other.

"Spill," Puck said noticing the barely concealed laughs.

"Well," Mercedes said. "Before the Cheerios and jocks joined, Artie was in the hospital, and we wanted to get him something, but none of us had the money so we kinda… took it. They almost caught Rachel cause she does not act casual when not attempting to steal. But she gave them some story about how her boyfriend, which happened to be Kurt since he was the closest thing with a penis, was dying of Asperger's and their last month anniversary together. They must not of known what Asperger's was cause they bought it. We managed to pull it off."

"You mean that thing is stolen?" Artie said in a panicky tone. "You know if I got caught with it I could go to jail! And how did you manage to steal a fucking wheelchair?"

Kurt grinned. "We have our ways. They, of course, had to let the poor dying kid borrow a wheelchair to get to the car when he fainted. We just conveniently forgot to return it."

Artie grinned. "Well thanks, I guess I got stuck with a pretty great group of friends." Then he jumped when Paparazzi began to blast from Kurt's phone.

Kurt glanced down at the screen and all the color drained from his face. His voice came out higher pitched than usual and cracked. "It's my dad."

**Thank you for reading! I'll be forever grateful if you review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I kinda got distracted writing a Mpreg story that I'm not even sure if I'll post. But here it is, although it's kind of shortish and I think my sad attempts at humor were a definite fail. Puck's a little ooc. Burt might be too. Please Review!**

**Chapter four**

"It's my dad," Kurt whispered in a scared voice. "Uncle Jim must have called him. He's going to kill me! What do I do?"

"I'm thinking answering the phone would probably be a good start," Finn said seriously.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Suck up; act innocent; if he asks, say you're a mature adult." Kurt nodded and flipped open his phone.

"Hey dad, what's up?"

Everyone heard Burt's reply since he seemed to be screaming at the top of his lungs. "What's up? I'll tell you what's up! I just got a call from Uncle Jim saying that you had a half naked drag queen in the kitchen, that's what's up!"

"Daddy, listen," Kurt said. "Nothing happened! It was just one of Finn's friends, he got hurt and there was blood on his clothes so I offered to wash them for him before the stain could set too much. He wasn't a drag queen. We didn't have any clothes to fit him, that's all."

"Yeah? Then why did Jim say you weren't wearing a shirt and that your damn pants were unzipped?"

"Um…" Kurt said.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Where the hell was Finn when this was happening? I told him specifically to make sure you didn't have boys over!"

"Um, he was here. Actually, it was just kind of a joke. All the kids from glee are over and we thought it would be funny to see what the pizza guy would do, we had no idea that it would be Uncle Jim. But nothing actually happened, so no worries, right?" Kurt asked hopefully.

"No worries? Like hell no worries! There was a half naked boy in my kitchen with my son and my step-son let it happen after I told him to keep an eye on you!"

Kurt was mad now. "Keep an eye on me? Dad, I'm not a little kid! I'm four months older than Finn, why did he need to keep an eye on me? And I'm old enough to do what-and who- I want, so if I _had_ wanted to screw a boy in the kitchen then I would have! But I didn't so you have no reason to blow up on me! And do you really think Finn could have stopped me from doing what I want?"

"If you're not a little kid then stop acting like one! I thought you and Finn were responsible enough to handle this, but apparently I was wrong! We'll talk more about this when we get home. Put Finn on."

Kurt held the phone out to Finn, mouthing 'sorry'. Finn looked terrified.

"Hey Burt. I'm sorry, it was just supposed to be a funny joke. We didn't think you'd even find out and it wasn't really a big deal. It's not like Kurt hadn't seen Puck in his underwear before." He said, then realized what it sounded like when Puck and Kurt both widened their eyes at him. "I mean in the locker rooms! For gym and football! And they were boxers, which are pretty much just shorts."

"Finn," Burt said. "I told you to take care of my kid. And isn't Puck that kid with the Mohawk that you hate who nailed our lawn furniture to the roof that time?"

"Yeah, but I don't hate him and he's actually changed a lot, he's a nice guy."

"Sure he is. Is he still there? Cause if he is I'd like to talk to him if you don't mind."

"Yeah, hold on.." Finn said into the phone. Then, "Here dude, he wants to talk to you."

"Hello, Mr. Hummel," Puck said politely.

"What the hell were you kids thinking! You don't know who the hell the delivery guy's gonna be, as I'm sure you probably figured out! What if he had been worse than Kurt's uncle? Huh? He could have hurt Kurt! What kind of friend are you?"

"I'm sorry, we were just being stupid. And I would never want Kurt to get hurt. I really care about your son, sir, he's a wonderful person and I wouldn't of let anyone harm him. We were just kidding around, being teenagers. Kurt didn't even want to do it, he said it was stupid but we talked him into it. It wasn't his fault." Puck said.

Burt paused for a second. "When you say you 'care about' Kurt…"

"Mr. Hummel, sir, I mean I'm like 500% sure that I'm in love with your son and I'd sooner chop my hand off than purposefully cause him any pain." Puck said, trying to ignore the shocked stares he was getting from various people.

"Oh… Well, that's… nice to know."

"Yeah. And you've got to believe me, Kurt wasn't at all at fault for this. Also, just so you know, Kurt's uncle is a homophobic asshole. He was unnecessarily rude and hurtful and he made Kurt cry." When Kurt mouthed 'what the fuck? I didn't cry!' Puck just motioned for him to be quiet. "He was worried about what you would think, but really, he did nothing wrong. Please don't blame him and Finn for this, it was my fault because I talked him into it and I am really sorry."

"Well, it seems like you're all really ate up over this. So I'm letting it go- for now. But when Carol and I get home we will be having all you glee kids over to talk about the difference between 'funny joke' and 'potential indecent exposure lawsuit'. Oh, and tell Finn his mom wanted to be sure he remembered to change his underwear. Also, when you all go to bed tonight- there better be a two foot gap between you and Kurt at all times if you don't want your balls chopped off- I'm not kidding."

"Ok, point taken- two foot space at all times."

"Good. Now give the phone back to Kurt."

Puck held out the phone then turned to Finn, grinning. "Dude, your mom wanted to make sure you remembered to change your underwear." Finn turned bright red. Everyone else laughed.

"Yeah, ok. Night Dad." Kurt said then hung up the phone. "Well that was traumatizing. My dad just told me that he approved of my taste of guys, that abstinence was the only sure way not to get AIDS, and to use a condom. I'll probably need extensive therapy."

Mercedes laughed. "Well at least he doesn't hate your choice of guys. It's a good thing Puck is a natural suck up."

Kurt grinned. "Yeah, apparently Dad thinks he's 'protective'. I have no idea where he got that though." He said sarcastically.

Quinn grinned too and replied just as sarcastically, "Me either, it's not like he said he'd chop his hand off for you, or tried to take all the blame for the whole plan- even though he had about as much to with it as you did, or anything like that."

"Yeah, nothing like that. Dad must just be losing it."

"Yeah, that must be it."

Puck scowled. "Very funny."

"We thought so," Kurt chirped happily. Then his tone turned serious. "So… about what you said-"

Puck cut him off. "I understand if you don't feel the same way and everything. I just thought your dad needed to know that I wouldn't have let anything happen to you."

Kurt smiled at him. "I 'feel the same way'. How could I not? A hot and incredibly awesome guy just said he's in love with me. Not to mention the fact that you are probably the only guy who can actually make dress up clothes look sexy."

Puck smiled back. "So… does this mean we're together? Like officially?"

"Yeah, if you want to be. I'm not expecting you to come out of the closet for me or anything."

Puck's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why wouldn't I come out of the closet? I have the world's most insanely awesome boyfriend and I'm actually really looking forward to letting everyone know exactly how lucky I am to have him."

At that point Kurt crawled over to him and kissed him. They continued to kiss until Finn cleared his throat.

"Guys really, keep it in your pants just a little longer please? I'm already going to have nightmares." Kurt and Puck just grinned and continued to sit almost on top of each other and hold hands. The girls all made little 'aww' noises.

"Ok, but after we go to bed I make no promises." Kurt said.

"Actually, I promised your dad there would be a two foot gap between us at all times." Puck said.

"Oh, well, what he don't know won't hurt him."

"No, but what he somehow finds out will cost me my balls, and I'm kind of attached to them- like literally."

Kurt chuckled. "Which is why he never finds out. Ever."

"Fair enough."

Quinn smiled at them. "So, you're going to come out at school on Monday? How are you planning on doing that?"

"Something theatrical," Puck said. "I don't know the logistics of it yet but since it's Kurt, it's definitely going to be big and showy. I'm thinking it's definitely going to involve roses and singing"

"Aww," Quinn said. "Kurt's turned Puck into a lovesick puppy!"

Puck's cheeks turned bright red. "Nu-uh!"

"You are talking about buying someone flowers and serenading him with a love song. You are completely whipped."

"Is that a bad thing?" Kurt snuggled closer to Puck's side and kissed the other boy's cheek, causing Puck to grin like a moronic monkey on crack.

Quinn smiled. "No, it's actually kind of sweet. You two are cute together."

Finn still looked vaguely uncomfortable. "I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to give you a talk about how if you hurt my brother you die. So… just consider that to be it, okay?"

Puck laughed. "Yeah, dude, I get it. Point taken."

Kurt glanced at his cell phone. "Well, Dad and Carole get back tomorrow at noon, so if we want everyone to be up and mostly alive when they get here, with the house decent, we'll have to be up by nine at the latest. Which means we have to go to sleep pretty soon. It's five o'clock in the morning."

"Shit, for reals?" Artie asked.

"Yep."

"We probably have enough time for one more game," Rachel said. "How does everyone feel about spin the bottle?"

**So there it is. Still open to suggestions. I have a vague idea of what's going to happen in the next chapter, but after that I have no idea. And about the Mpreg story I mentioned at the top, would there be anyone who would read it if I did post it? Just wondering. **


	5. Author's Note Not a new chapter

**AN:/ No, this isn't a new chapter, sorry. I'm actually working on the next chapter and I'm stuck. They're supposed to be playing spin the bottle, which I thought would be pretty easy to write. I thought wrong. So, I was wondering if anyone could give me any suggestions? Please? I've got 841 words and it's took me like a week to get that much, plus it pretty much sucks and makes me want to throw my computer against the wall and then curl up in a small ball because I fail as a writer. Pretty much any kind of suggestion would be super appreciated. Either review or pm me, whichever and if I use your suggestion I'll credit you. Thanks peoples.**


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